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Through the mill

I’ve been managing a few paintings although I’m still laid up with chest infection. Now on second lot of antibiotics into week 3. No fun.

I’ve had the GP out a couple of times and I’m desperately trying to stay out of hospital. I haven’t had the energy to write this until now.

I had Lucy and my 2 nieces here for a few days so Martin could go and visit his mother. They went off the the beach and horse riding. Zoe and Flora spend all their time on the screens but they did make Martin 2 lovely birthday cards for his birthday on Monday.

Which went a bit pear shaped. Lucy had made us a cake to have and Jane and Paul came over for tea. Martin felt so unwell he had to go to bed. I went into a tailspin as I always do when he’s ill as I’m so utterly dependent on him. So Paul and Jane coped with the tears and snot with good grace. I was very pleased with my present wrapping, so it’s a shame poor Martin wasn’t able to enjoy his day:

At the same time our living room ceiling sprang a leak and we had bucketsfull of water pouring onto the shelving and floor. I managed to get a plumber to come out by bursting into tears and explaining my situation. He was so nice and came out straight away and sorted it. I’m going to send him a little painting as a thankyou.

Despite being so poorly I have managed to do some painting:

My biggest (positive)excitement of the week was the appearance of one of my new dahlias which I didn’t want to pick to paint as it’s the only one so far:

The garden is a bit less colourful as is the way in August, although the strong wind finished off most of the crocosmia. I did pick some for the painting with 2 pots above. A few dahlias and lots of agapanthus are keeping it going. Paul brought me some dahlias from his garden:

We’ll just get some michalmas daisies and that will be it for the winter. I’ve indulged in some new plants that will go in in September including a Madame Alfred Carriere rose.

I am sure I’ll still find lots of things to paint when the flowers are over. I’m going to try some still lives with some of my nice pots and things.

Jane gave this lovely black pot to Martin for his birthday and the other two she brought for me to paint. I did one yesterday with a bit of the fennel that’s still around. The other one in the painting is a nice little saki cup from a Norfolk potter called Stephen Parry:

All in all a crappy time. I’m still off the transplant list. I have a couple of days of this lot of antibios and an appt with the doc on Friday so hopefully I’ll get the all clear. I feel all my progress with diet and exercise has gone and I’m back to square one. Maybe I’ll feel up to some exercise next week.

Tomorrow I’m hoping to get to my reflexology appt which I think is just what I need. Everything is very stressful. The GP who came out was at least aware of the immense strain of being on the transplant list for me as well as Martin.

Psychologically and emotionally it's unlike any other experience so there are no reserves of learning that can contribute to helping you deal with it. I of course am self-centred with my constant struggle to breathe; all my energy reserves are used up with the slightest exertion.

And I get the support from the palliative team, but there is nothing to help Martin to cope. At least we both have things that we do that involve concentration and takes the mind off it: I have my painting and Martin his photography. I must put one of his photos on the blog next week.

Here are some lovely abstract flower paintings by Chen Jialing:

I really hope to have some good news about the transplant list next week, and that Martin is feeling better too.

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