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Autumn leaves

Here is a watercolour of some leaves from down the lane. It stopped raining enough for a brief expedition outside. Today the sun is out and the oak trees in the field are glowing gold and green.

This week I've felt a bit livelier although it still all seems to go by in a bit of a blur . Papworth went well (I’m now familiar with and therefore resigned to waiting for hours to seen the consultant. I get there at 8.30, see the transplant nurse then have a string of spirometry, x-rays and blood tests and then have to hang around for 2 or 3 hours to see the consultant. Martin’s thinks it’s badly organised but I think there aren’t enough doctors.

Whatever, all my tests were ok despite me still having a cold and cough although feeling fine just a bit snotty. There is some drug resistant bacteria they they grew from my biopsy but they’ll keep an eye on it. Luckily I didn’t have to stay in for IV antibiotics which is the treatment for it. Another 4 weeks will be my 12 week biopsy; something of a landmark as assuming all is well I can start to use my arms a bit more and do some exercises.

I also feel more like myself in a way I haven’t done for years. I now have a world of possibilities rather than a shrinking horizon.I have booked on a local wreath (Xmas!!) making day which I couldn’t have done before. I used to like the stylish Skandi ones from Flor Unikon so I hope I can produce something chic from some twigs and ivy or whatever is available.

I went for my reflexology but wasn’t able to reach peak weightlessness in the way I used to. Maybe a combination of not having morphine and starting to get my busy brain back. It was very relaxing but maybe I have to learn to relax without drugs.

It was also less so as I had to tell Dawn all about my operation. We were able to exchange anaesthesia stories as she had some major surgery a few years ago. And steroids; I am feeling the side effects of those in terms of being ravenous and of being a bit reckless. I have done a lot of online shopping and pretty much done all my Christmas shopping even if it’s a random selection of things I like. It made me think back to when I was on very high doses of steroids in hospital and combined with Fentanyl and the other 20 or so drugs I was on made me disinhibited and verbose (weirdly awful combination) I couldn’t stop talking to everyone including the nurses. I’m not sure what I was talking about though!

I am still a bit shaky from one of my anti-rejection meds which also play havoc with my stomach. Peppermint is ineffective; I’m always sceptical of herbal stuff but thought I’d give it a go.

We talked about whether I still qualify for the palliative care service; Dawn said she didn’t know as they had never had anyone like me ie who gets their life given back. Despite some qualifications ie lifetime of anti rejection meds and constant possibility of rejection or opportunistic or otherwise acquired colonisation by bacteria, viruses or fungus ( I now have the joy of mouth fungus). Anyway I have another appointment next week. And I’m also going to see the Palliative Care Consultant and psychologist (who used to work in a transplant unit so she has at least some idea of the experience).

I haven't done much painting this wee although I was pleased to sell an oil painting yesterday. I gave my good friend Pam a watercolour for her birthday and she bought one of my small oils which I can't find a picture of. I did it around the same time as this one which unusually I gave a title to and called Grief:

My abstracts were rarely supposed to represent anything so this is an exception. the colours in this photo look much darker than they are; it's a bit more watery IRL.

I love these pictures by the illustrator Kosuke Ajiro:

I’m not sure where I’m heading with painting now. I have too many ideas. I want to do more drawing and watercolour but I’m tempted to get my oils out again. I'll stick to watercolour at art this afternoon; it'll be flowers or pears. Oils are so smelly and messy I'm not sure I'm up to them yet. Maybe my time of huge abstracts is in the wings!

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