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Stormy skies


This is an abstract seascape which is a bit of a departure for me, but only a temporary blip! I like the freedom of abstraction but I’m sticking with my still lives for now.

I missed last week’s blog due to tech issues but I wrote: ‘I’m not having the best start to the week as I have Papworth tomorrow which always makes me on edge for some reason. Not just the early start and the drive but maybe the worry that something will be wrong. I still have few white blood cells. It is a bit of an ordeal there mainly the sitting around for 4 hours waiting for the various tests.’

Well I ended up having to stay in for a bronchoscopy as a few symptoms indicated potential infection or rejection; mainly reduced lung function and my ongoing fluid retention/ weight gain and low white blood cell count.

Not very nice as for some reason I wasn’t given as much midazolam and fentanyl as last time so I was awake through the whole thing. I cried like a baby. At least I’ll know what to demand next time; I know they try to give you the least possible sedation but it’s not pleasant having a tube down your throat and bits pulled off your lungs (biopsy).

The results of the biopsy don’t come back from the lab until the following evening so it’s a bit of a long wait but thankfully it was all ok. I then had to drive home in the dark in hellish fog with a cracked windscreen that I was convinced was going to shatter at any moment. And with painful lungs; it's strange that your lungs can hurt. That's why they give you fentanyl (stronger than morphine or diamorphine apparently) when they do the biopsy.

I made some delicious marmalade before my Papworth visit that took me right back to hospital (it doesn’t take much); I think about it every day.

Anyway I remember toast and marmalade being one of the first things I ate after 10 days and it was so good it was like one of the wonders of the world. With a cup of tea, even if a floor sweepings brew and jelly marmalade and dreadful toast it was nevertheless delicious. Now we have the new fashionable bakery I can have scrumptious sourdough toast and home made marmalade with my special tea. Sometimes I feel spoilt. I have increased my coffee consumption 3 fold since we got a fancy Jura machine which is as good as it gets for a domestic one.

I was really pleased to sell a nice picture last week of apples and a dark bowl that I’d just had framed:

I keep meaning to make a website which would make selling much easier. I’ve been trying out acrylic with oil pastel as well as acrylic gouache which I like as you can get different effects than plain acrylic. Like this bowl which has flowers on it but that I left out as I liked the paint effect:

The framer I went to said my work reminded her of Mary Feddon which I can see vaguely:

I suppose it was a complement although I’m not that keen on her paintings.

I still feel adrift somewhat; last week I said abducted by aliens but I could also describe it as that feeling when you first arrive somewhere after a long journey- slightly disorientated and restless. I did see the psychiatrist in Papworth and will get some sessions with the clinical psychologist; one of my aims is to get off all the psych meds I started when I saw the palliative care consultant. The Papworth consultant who referred me described it as 'the burden' of medication I was on which I think is an interesting and probably accurate way of describing it.

Psychiatrists are like plumbers it seems as she said she was surprised what I’d been prescribed without a psych assessment. Plumbers (and other work people and hairdressers) always suck their teeth and trash the previous job - 'don't know who did this, love', thereby implicit that you can trust them to do better.

I’m getting plenty of painting done and I think I’m going to attempt some bigger ones. These are two of my favourites:

This feels a bit scattergun today: I've spent all morning trying to clear some space on my Mac so it will let me write my blog. My least favourite activity is anything to do with technology; I find it really stressful if something doesn't work (probably due mostly to my almost total ignorance of how things work and my reluctance to ever find out)

Monday is laundry day which I like doing; not sure what it is about it, apart from having clean things. I happily rearrange things on the drier as they dry. But putting things away is something I also hate so i have drawers crammed with a jumble of things and then wonder where all my socks have gone. I hate clutter but can't seem to de-clutter. Maybe one for the psych!

Hopefully I can get to art this afternoon as I have to wait for auto glass to replace my cracked windscreen. Why do so many of these companies behave as though they’re doing you a favour?

Still counting the days until we get Ralph..... (more clutter; scratching post, bed, fur !!)

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