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Another week in lockdown. I have never watched spring more closely; the garden coming to life and my impatience with the slow tulips that I want to paint. I have no idea what ones I planted so it’s a nice surprise when they come up. I love the bright orange and reds, less so the maroon although they do look good together. I did this little painting yesterday. there is always the dilemma of whether to pick them or leave them to show off in in the garden.

I managed to get some pots planted up with euphorbia, phlox and verbena but there was an almost frost that night so they are looking a bit frail. I think of when we get to high summer and the pots are overflowing with a glorious mix of flowers so fingers crossed for that!

Everything’s seems to be going so slowly but on the other hand time cracks on and it’s laundry and blog day again. I’m trying to think what has happened since last week but there are only the small day to day things, as we are all trapped inside. Unless you are an essential worker in which case you have your own very different perspective. Most of the people I have spoken to are all working from home.

I spend a lot of time (in my head) making lists so that we get all our orders and deliveries. Medications are now part of an automatic system where I order repeats and they then get it delivered by north Norfolk district council. So that’s one less favour I have to ask of our community support, although I know that people generally like being able to help.

I was pleased to sell a painting on my internet shop but of course I then have to ask someone to post it for me:

I hate being so dependent on other people for everything. At least there is still online shopping for art things, books and beauty products. And chocolate , and wine.....I still wear make up and perfume just to stay at home and although a spring wardrobe seems a bit futile I can't help wanting things. At the moment I know my life will be complete with a top I like and one more lamp.

We have been getting out on our GoCycles most days; the lanes are very pretty with tons of wildflowers and birdsong in the background. We pass the occasional walker or cyclist but pretty much have them to ourselves. So although we’re not supposed to go out the risk is negligible up here.

We’re also lucky enough to still be getting fresh fish and local organic meat as well as the bread delivery from the wonderful sourdough bakery.

Apart from making lists I spend my days painting, reading and sometimes watching something that M doesn’t like. Now I’ve finished Big Little Lies I’ll start on series 3 of Ozark. Glad that Killing Eve is back too but we can watch that together.

There is no sense of when or how the lockdown will be lifted and for us vulnerables I can’t see how they can end it at all which is a but daunting. I got one step nearer a DIY haircut; a friend sent me a video so my next step is to get some hairdressing scissors. I badly need an eye test too. The high dose steroids can affect your vision as does the anti rejection drug Tacrolimus. So I have trouble reading and writing and watching telly; pretty much everything. And the dentist; I was due to have two broken teeth repaired but that coincided with the closing down of everything.

I suppose there is a world out there but I don’t feel a part of it. Everyone says that going to the shops is unpleasant due to social distancing which I can imagine. I wonder when we’ll be able to look back on this time. I always thought how fortunate we were to live in a time without anything dreadful like war and now we have this real life horror film, although I guess not horror unless you’re on the front line maybe, or at least not yet! At the moment it's just numbers to me.

I try not to watch the news, just read the Guardian online. So I get their take on it all which I like to think is reasonably balanced but as they are critical of how the government has handled things I'm not filled with confidence that we have good leadership or that the right decisions will be made. But most of all that we'll get openness and honesty.

I think the worst thing is not being able to plan anything so there’s nothing to look forward to, just endless days of lockdown. I have a vaguely optimistic outlook but I’ve no idea what the new normal will look like. Will I be able to have a haircut or go to a restaurant or go on holiday?

On the upside I’ve been asked to take part in an online exhibition so I’ve put 6 paintings in that. Not certain when it will be on but it's being curated at the moment. Something is happening!

I've been mainly painting flowers from the garden or down the lanes:

I’ve been looking at Robert Motherwell paintings, I like his gestures and colour:

I love abstract art and I'm sure I'll start doing some when the mood takes me. At the moment I'm happy painting what I see, but who knows how long I'll be trapped for and then have to resort to my internal world......

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